Hi, my name is Kandra and I’m addicted to sugar. Worse than that…. sugar is slowly killing me. But I love it. I. LOVE. SUGAR. And it doesn’t love me back.
I took my fasting glucose this morning and it was at 250. Yesterday 260. I feel like crap and suffered from a migraine earlier today. I’m scared. I’m mad at myself. I’m stressed. And I’m kinda in mourning. I need to give up sugar. I need to pay attention to carbs. I need to – because health. But. I really don’t want to. And that’s such a weird crazy place to be. Knowing what I should do and knowing what I want to do and they are in complete opposite directions. And we aren’t talking about some little impact here, like I found a wallet with $50 bucks in it and knowing I should turn it in and find the owner or doing what I want to do and keeping the money. I know that want isn’t that big of a deal and I’d totally just turn in the wallet. Nope, nothing like that. This is a Sugar Can Kill Me and I Need to Stop Eating It kind of thing. I know I need to and I wish it was easy… but it’s not. I’m truly addicted to sugar. More so than I ever was to cigarettes… and I smoke a pack and a half a day! THAT was hard to quit…. but I did it.
Just sitting here mad at myself and just ugh. I don’t want to be this person. I want to be better. I want to easily choose and eat healthy. I don’t want to be addicted. And I don’t want to be the person sitting here trying to talk myself out of just grabbing some Oreo’s or something and drowning in my sorrows and stress. Stupid. I’m a grown woman. Why am I struggling like this? 🙁