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Addicted

wp-1469668496272.jpgHi, my name is Kandra and I’m addicted to sugar.  Worse than that…. sugar is slowly killing me.  But I love it. I. LOVE. SUGAR. And it doesn’t love me back.

I took my fasting glucose this morning and it was at 250.  Yesterday 260.  I feel like crap and suffered from a migraine earlier today.  I’m scared. I’m mad at myself.  I’m stressed.  And I’m kinda in mourning.  I need to give up sugar.  I need to pay attention to carbs.  I need to – because health.  But. I really don’t want to.  And that’s such a weird crazy place to be.  Knowing what I should do and knowing what I want to do and they are in complete opposite directions.  And we aren’t talking about some little impact here, like I found a wallet with $50 bucks in it and knowing I should turn it in and find the owner or doing what I want to do and keeping the money.  I know that want isn’t that big of a deal and I’d totally just turn in the wallet.  Nope, nothing like that.  This is a Sugar Can Kill Me and I Need to Stop Eating It kind of thing.  I know I need to and I wish it was easy… but it’s not.  I’m truly addicted to sugar.  More so than I ever was to cigarettes… and I smoke a pack and a half a day!  THAT was hard to quit…. but I did it.

Just sitting here mad at myself and just ugh.  I don’t want to be this person.  I want to be better.  I want to easily choose and eat healthy.  I don’t want to be addicted.  And I don’t want to be the person sitting here trying to talk myself out of just grabbing some Oreo’s or something and drowning in my sorrows and stress.  Stupid.  I’m a grown woman.  Why am I struggling like this? 🙁

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