I did a thing…

Ya’ll, I just got back from playing soccer.  Did you read that?  Soccer!  Sure I’ve watched the game before, thanks to my awesome niece Katie, but I had never walked on a field as a player.  In retrospect, I guess you can still kinda say that. LOL  I didn’t play much, mainly just hung out in the middle.

The big thing here is that I actually did something outside my comfort zone… and I mean EXTREMELY outside my comfort zone.  I’m not one that really likes to admit my insecurities.  I’m trying to get better at being more transparent/real with people… but it’s hard sometimes.  Here’s the thing.  My weight really bothers me.  And for many different reasons – like I’m mad I ever got to this point.  I’m mad that I fail a lot at trying to lose weight – I don’t like failing.  I hate that food is my comfort and these bad habits are so hard to break.  I hate how twisted my mind is when it comes to my weight and how others see me.  I don’t like feeling insecure and I really don’t like admitting that I’m feeling insecure.

So when it was suggested that I play with some work friends tonight, I laughed and tried to joke it off.   But instead of ignoring it and letting it slide, two of those people were encouraging.  So I thought about it.  And when I say thought about it, I mean I started texting my sister and having a heart to heart with her.  I laid it all on the line.  I admitted my insecurities and my twisted thoughts and my sister – in her wise words “I’m going to tell you what you’d tell me”… and she did.  Those words and the encouragement of coworkers, that’s how I did that today.  I wanted to cop out so bad… but I didn’t.  And I’m glad I didn’t.

My food choices weren’t great (yeah, I made banana nut bread last night), but I’m so very proud of me today.

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